I’ve been obsessed with finding little idioms ever since I heard a random girl say “we were like ships in the night,” the night before graduation at my friend Nina’s party. It shocked me, bewildered almost.

so I’ve collected the following idioms and the places they were used because I’ve been absolutely enthralled by them.

Like ships in the night

used technically incorrectly (or so it was deemed by Nina’s dad) the girl used it to describe how her Roomate and her have not seen each other

If someone asks what starts a revolution, the answer is conversation. No one sat alone in their room thinking and then lead a revolution. Although the history books made it seem like these leaders worked alone by only mentioning their names, the birth of a revolution worthy idea is a collaborative effort.

Conversation is what starts revolution. It’s a groups of people that all have seeds of thought in their brain who get together to grow their feelings into a revolution. Think of the impressionists, they didn’t paint alone in their rooms, they all knew each other, they explored together, they all grew into impressionists with each other.

Conversation is the strongest tool us as humans have, that’s where things can exponentially develop whether it’s for the good or the bad.

Im thinking back to the tv show fallout. The shocking ending twist is that the company that made the vaults also released the atomic bombs because they didn’t want to continue to have competition anymore.

I think if you don't want conflict, revolution, you have to take away our ability to communicate. But is that even possible? Humans developed many ways to communicate:

• creating visuals/experiences (art)
• audio metaphors (music)
• body movements performed in a certain order (dance)

there’s even more! All of these were used during revolutions to reach more people, start conversations, bring others into the conversation. Is it even possible to imagine a society without conversation? I think we would have to change our brains to achieve that. Take out all of our senses and cognitive ability to understand what’s felt and not said, to undertand things not semnt

So I just heard an idiom the other day - like ships in the night. It sparked something within me, a love that I had once known, but forgot recently - I think just because of school.

but now, 3 graduation speeches later, idioms are so embedded in our stories. Rob Lowe said a few door idioms and explored the analogy very well - if you’re knocking on a closed door, look around, bang on it, break it down.

i just learned the origin of idioms is where things get really interesting though - idioms related to shared cultural moments (I think) like don’t count your chickens before they hatch. People must have known a lot more about chickens in the previous literary age.

bringing us to a discovery 😈 a “bad apple.” Comes from a phrase where “one bad apple ruins the barrel.”

we don’t have barrels of apples anymore, nor would I bet anyone knows that a bad apple can rot the rest.

just a weird strange feeling comes from this - I’ll come back to this thought eventually

does every tech company actually "believe deeply in driving social and economic progress across the regions they impact." - via Careem

How much can a random 30 year old owner of a new AI model actually successfully contribute to the values of a sustainable world? Gives me serious silicon valley (TV show) vibes. I think the first take on my mind is wondering how the next zuckerberg actually embeds environmentally aware practices? What are examples of real sustainability? Just thoughts on thoughts.

Megan - it comes at a quick thought while driving to Whole Foods - Momentum makes you unstoppable in achieving a goal (or at least if feels like that sometimes), but just yesterday momentum fucked me up a little bit.

I made a wrong decision.

this led to my team - who I debated to get my decision “shipped” (for lack of a better term) - spending hours on something that turned out to be the wrong thing. I’m realizing where I need to grow, more than ever, it’s collaboration in making a decision, and aligning a team to a goal - ideally the right one. It feels harder to let people into a decision sometimes, but i feel it’s way harder to convince someone a decision I’ve made is the right one without them looking at the same deck of hands. to put it simply, everyone might think I have a full house if I show 4 of my cards, but I can only hope they understand I’m bluffing once they bet their money. tricky tricky

a type of phone that can be given to elementary school and middle school students that allow them to have autonomy, but in a controlled space. It’s the equivalent to flip phones we had when we were younger. They can still take pics, socialize with friends, but the apps would be more of a tool for their inperson social interactions than a way to escape from it. it’s so important for kids at that age to learn how to manage and navigate synchronous relationships. In the online space, you can enter subcultures easily, block anyone that pisses you off, say anything you want. There’s no tie or reason to mend or develop interpersonal relationships. But when you’re in a smaller community, you learn how to say sorry, how to balance power dynamics, and just a bunch of super important social skills. Talking about autonomy, it’s frustrating for a kid to not have a smartphone. they feel their parents are controlling and the reason why they’re ostracized from their inperson friend groups that talk online. that’s not the healthiest parent child relationship. but there has to be a middle ground. a phone that the child has and can do whatever they want with, but it has limitations that don’t feeelll limiting. i think even as an adult i wouldn’t mind having one. I wish i could just take a break and use a flip phone for a week, but truth is, i can’t. Too many important chats are on instagram and other apps. You can’t respond to emails on a flip phone.

Intent

write, conversate, test takes. I want to understand how to articulate and be rougher with words and language, bc i dont really know how I write haha in an effort to develop this side, megan, I hope to bounce off ur brain, share some interesting things i find in my day to day and i am thankful i get to use this as a way to explore how front-end web design functions.

There was a conversation I was listening to - _Jacob Collier talking with Collin and Samir _- that got me thinking a lot. They talked about their perspectives, as musicians, on art, creation, craft, performance, dreams... the normal podcast stuff. but there was something particularly interesting I got from one of the points they mentioned.

The idea that hit me was that before they contributed to the YouTube musician scene, they participated in it. They found their footing. They experimented. They uploaded what they uploaded - shitty content, edits, weird wild copies of copies of trends and others' ideas, filtered through their own expression (if that makes sense).

I think what clicked is how it hit home. I have realized that I have consistently found a need to participate before I can contribute, pretty much in all of my things. I'm not educated enough to draw parallels, but I remember how in ARTH classes, professors would talk about the relationship between the master and the apprentice, someone who would train by copying the masters' work, produce it, then eventually make their own name. It makes sense to find your footing when your young, learn craft, then apply your personality. I think maybe i just felt rushed to find it at first.

Hearing it from the perspective of someone wholly unique, Jacob, helped me re-learn it. A musician grows into their work - I think I will too

I think these things take time. Once I finished this, i realized how much time it took the people before me to set something like this up. I think the most fun part about this little sprint was the freedom I found in throwing actual shit code at the wall, and seeing what stuck. A healthy reminder that I am NOT a computer scientist haha. Airtable has text, but it also has a horrible format. you could probably hack me (allegedly, according to my gatsby), just because i wanted to preserve formatting in here from the airtable source.

Here's to new explorations, newer experiments, and a different method of writing essays to each other <3

Also gonna be honest - i have no idea how that heart will show up, bc of all the ransid code I wrote (coerced out of chatgpt) to get the formatting to stay.

girl decided to listen to a guided meditation video on youtube as she falls asleep. 

“infinite discipline for sleep it said”

**** It happens slowly. Dialogue between audio recording and my thoughts  recount the fight to focus, But what happens when I do?

Tingle sensation

Crack open my ribs   Pressure from inside radiating from the core in response to the crack. Cause it's own demise.  Further open and exposing the glowing center  Consumed in a cold with hot white spikes all over my body. Like the blood has been drained out leaving me limp and vulnerable. 

It's like opending the floodgates, whats done cannot be undone 

I grab my blanket and bunch it in my fist and hold it closer. But it provides to comfort, even more panic. I'm This battle is not physical. It's mental 

I wish my boyfriend was here. This is starting to be too much. I NEEED him here. NO that's the type of thinking that will make this worse. It's me and me. 

beyoncé  “sorry” “i ain’t sorry” “sorry” “i ain’t sorry” (flash of face)

brings a bouquet of flowers in a softer pleading way, slow off tempo “sorry” a longer pause echoed even softer “i ain’t sorry” i responded right after  “sorry” two heartbeats later, trailing off “i ain’t sorry”

that white space felt a little colder, emptier.  eauipped with more mobility over her avatar look around the room

it looks like an empty park details within 10 yard vicinity, rest seems to fade to white as i move, the light seems to follow my body.  walking and felt something out of place. she turned her head to the right and noticed something poking out behind the wall. excitingly zooming in and turning the corner. revealing itself a huge sword judding forward with intent to kill. pulling back as quick as possible i yank my view down to the floor feel the rebound of the floor in my chest but not even a heartbeat later, i zoom back in on the sword and look to see what’s holding it. an anxious fear washes overs the my m body from chest to toe. it’s the first time that i’ve recognized the presence of my feet in this place. 

what i saw behind the sword was a flurry of things. A giant standing boar with motor jacket one second, the next a leaner king cobra with cheeks flared in protection.  flash flash flash each flash felt more exhausted then the next, the figure eventually settling as a tall silky black blob face down. it looks up smile twisted and snarling but eyes full of fear. we make contact for what feels like too long. i look at her with compassion and curiosity but she looks at me with a pretend and fading aggression filled with worry and vulnerability. the image of her gets smaller and smaller against my will.  damn she’s running away the unsatisfaction in my chest pushes me to zoom forward. i start to take steps turning the corner running after the figure. gazelle jumping over picnic benches and running faster to catch up with this dark figure who’s still in my field of vision. i get closer, shrinking the gap when i feel my chest pull again, pleading to stop. i stop and then feel it. a guilt and a fear.  she’s overwhelmed.  standing, i watch her jump upto the tree and hide behind the leaves, her hazel eyes not camouflaged well and lazer focused on me.  i take a small step back lower myself onto on floor. one knee down, the other still up.  

“ i’m sorry i chased you. you must be feeling overwhelmed. im just here to.” why am i even here? when did i get here? Where am i really? “i’m just here to try and understand what you’re feeling. i want to listen. But you can let me know when you’re ready. you set the rules. I’ll be over there” i point to the picnic bench that i remeber but is past my field of vision. “you can talk to me through a song, or write it down, or sit down next to me and talk. whatever you feel comfortable with” the eyes or the figure soften. My cue to back up and start to head to the bench. but while i do, I feel a rumble in the ground. for a split second then it stopped. Then another, this time i hear it too. It beats.  “Bump, bump, bump” air starts to swell and feel so heavy.  Then the white walls peel open like curtains and two black almond shape appear on the wall. theyre massive seemingly 10-15 ft tall, but it hard to estimate because time and distance feels different in a place like this. 

in unison, they so quickly shut them shoot back open, rocking the space and rocking me off balance. then the heart beat again 

“bump. bump”  blink  “bump. bump” blink 

i’m slingshot out of this white room. the swelling air  hardening into a mound in my chest. 

i’m laying in my bed in a dark room. pillow under my head and inbetween my legs, blanket draped over. Agh my body feels so heavy. So present. i take a big inhale and feel my chest rise and as i exhale i push forward and straighten my back and neck feeling a satisfying crack. 

I attempt to center myself. eyes open for a few seconds scanning the room then closed where they’re suffocating and jolt back open. i force it shut and begin to think. 

The thought so bizarre i can’t even form it into mental sentences. the curiosity and adrenaline pumping out from my chest is enough confirmation.

i keep my eyes closed and rub my hand over my warm stomach and let, feeling the tickle of friction which grounds me into my body further. i bring up my hand and pull the corner of my pillow. adjust it and pushing in my heavy head and settling in a comfier position. 

i open my eyes rest my view on the leg of the desk next to my bed. i finally slow down my heart rate and let that tenseness slowly dissipate. 

it just silent. so much silence it sounds like static. i just lay there. not thinking with my head but feeling and communicating with my chest. I change it to something softer. It's part compassion, by other part lonlienss. Did I leave too early? I didn't get to hear what she had to say. As the thought finished in my head, my heart beat further slows. I close my eyes in defeat and snuggle into my pillow again and pull my blanket over my shoulder. 

I can't actually feel my heart besting. I can feel it's presence and just assume it's doing do. The tightness feels contained and I focus on the feeling as it soothes me into another sleep. 

my goal in life is to love and experience fully

chocolate devotion from coldstone